


The Phwoaring Thump

by Basmathgirl



Series: The Phwoaring Series [9]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Consensual Sex, F/M, Minor Violence, Non-Canon Relationship, Sexual Content, Swearing, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:52:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basmathgirl/pseuds/Basmathgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna meets both Rose and River, and isn’t impressed in the slightest. Although her anger made someone happy… [This is definitely <b>NOT</b> for River or Rose fans, so <b>please don't read</b>!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Phwoaring Thump

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** definitely **NOT** for River or Rose fans, so **please don't read**! Or anyone that dislikes swearing.  
>  **Prompt:** Donna takes River AND Rose in a fight. And wins. Or perhaps she punches each one respectively… Triple brownie points if it somehow connects with the Phwoaring ficverse.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I own the Phwoaring idea; does that count for anything? Thought not.  
>  **A/N:** written for [tkel_paris](tkel-paris.livejournal.com) as a Christmas gift. Sorry for the delay in completing this. So, erm, how many brownie points did I get?

Things hadn’t been going so swimmingly, not since _that_ girl had turned up to reinstate her claim on the TARDIS, and suddenly Donna wasn’t so keen to welcome her with open arms.

It reminded her of when they’d met that tart Professor River Song in The Library (she mentally added a big ol’ “The”!) not so long ago. Things had gotten off on the wrong foot from the very start and, let’s be honest here, Donna was feeling a little raw that day, since it had come straight after The Kiss. And yes, in her mind it deserved to have capital letters too. 

The Kiss had prompted a talk of the frankest kind, analysing why she had done it, why it had worked, why he wanted to do it again… Yes, all sorts of things. Things that had led onto other things; you know, nice things. Things you can share between you, and clutch preciously to your heart(s). So they’d allowed themselves to become a sort of couple; not a married one, because that had other implications, but just your run of the mill, normal good friends couple. Friends that occasionally shagged each other’s brains out. You know the sort.

In fact it had been really nice, cuddling up to smooch together, stealing tender kisses whenever they felt like it; and doing other sorts of kisses when that was felt like too. Ah, it had been good, and he’d promised to take her to a beach for a romantic stroll by the water or sunbathe in the nude, you know, if she wanted to, but he wasn’t by all means forcing her to do that, because a gentleman didn’t do that sort of thing. And then he had coughed.

Yeah, he was being an idiot about it. But he was being awfully sweet too. Just as you’d expect him to act.

And then that woman had appeared in the Library, acting all possessive and smarmy with him; as if she owned him like a precious pet. Well that ain’t going to happen when Donna Noble is about to have a say in the matter. No way, José. 

From her spot by a terminal, Donna could see River muscling in on him again, doing the whole “you are mine so heel, boy” act, and he didn’t look none too pleased about it either. It was that smirk on River’s face that proved to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Donna had… well, to tell the truth, Donna had lashed out and slapped River clean across the face. It was amazing that she hadn’t sworn like a docker at the same time, but the slap had been a slip enough as it was. 

‘Put that in your pipe and smoke it!’ Donna had triumphantly thought when River had backed away from her. Oh yes, the woman hadn’t set foot any nearer to her after that then she needed to.

Shame about the teleport business…

By the time Donna had escaped from the computer, River had died. Apparently she had sacrificed herself for everybody trapped in the computer. Donna had felt like remarking she’d done it in order to impress the Doctor, but she kept schtum about that. He looked utterly cut up about the fact someone else had died in his place; he always did. 

And now Donna was faced with an equally annoying floozy, in the form of Rose bloody Tyler; or Little Miss Pert, as Donna had dubbed her in her mind. Part of her anger was down to the fact that Rose was playing the “I don’t remember you” card with her. If Donna could remember that Rose had done this irritating Doctor-wannabe thing and implied she and the Doctor were an established item, then surely Rose did. In fact it would have infuriated Donna in normal circumstances, but the little matter of almost dying sort of got in the way. And to add insult to injury, Captain Jack Harkness hadn’t made any attempt to hug her, even when she’d dropped enough hints that were so big you’d see them from space. 

When she got the chance, she had peered at her reflexion to check she hadn’t broken out in boils, and then clasped a hand over her mouth to try and smell her own breath. Nothing seemed to be wrong apart from the whole Doctor being usurped by Rose thing. It even made her think it was time to collect her cards and move onto her next temporary position. 

In her confusion, hurt and pain, she hoped the next one would have some decent scenery too. 

The thing is, Donna would have waded in and landed one on Rose if the Doctor had for one second acted as miffed as he had done with River; but he hadn’t. It had been all coy giggles and glowing under the flattery as Rose had flirted with him; her obvious interest in him dangled before all and sundry after risking several universes to get to him whilst carrying a massive gun like some sort of weird arm jewellery. Why have a gun and not use it against that bloody Dalek? Donna was appalled that Rose had stood there like a lemon whilst Jack had dealt with it after the Doctor had been shot. 

Come to think of it, the Doctor loathed and despised the usage of guns, so why didn’t he tell Rose off for carrying one about with her? Instead, he’d acted as though she were the best thing since sliced bread. Donna rapidly altered her thoughts about him. In any other situation she would have thought he’d been possessed. Yeah, possessed by the f*cking stupid fairy! No doubt he would try blaming the partial regenerating when he spoke to her later… _IF_ he spoke to her later. She could see it all going very badly for her. That’s why she had tried to grab Jack, because there might have been the chance of a future job out of it. Bloody stupid idea as it happened. 

Then her day had got even worse, if that was imaginable, and the TARDIS had plunged faster than a tart’s knickers; into the heart of the energy source for the Crucible. The only saving light had been the Duplicate Doctor.

Hang on a mo’; he’d been THE saving light, and had saved all three of their lives (that’s her, him and the TARDIS) by remembering what the blue button did. In her panic, Donna had clean forgot for some reason. So much for all those piloting lessons; although to be fair, the more recent ones had descended into something else. Normally nakedness beneath the bedcovers, and not alone either, if you catch my drift. 

If the Duplicate Doctor had had his way, they’d have ‘descended’ back there immediately too. Okay, she had almost given in, because there isn’t anything sexier than a naked Doctor with his hands on your bum, begging to make love to you because, okay, she had ranted at him about getting his act in gear. And yes, she might have given in…

She was human after all! It’d been a day of being neglected. And it turned out he also rather liked her bossing him about; got rather turned on by it, as it happens. 

One of the first things she noticed was that he was human too. It happened as soon as he plunged into her willing body, because normally the Doctor was slightly cooler than your average man to start with, but the Duplicate was noticeably warm and so bloody HOT! Have you seen him naked? Guh! How was she supposed to resist him? Loving words tripped off his tongue, wet kisses were planted on her lips, and all the time his hips thrust deliciously in synch with hers, urging them on with grunts, groans and cries of delight. 

“We’re in the TARDIS. We can go back to exactly the right moment,” he had crooned into her ear, as he enticed her to make love twice more in their bed. “There’s no hurry.”

No hurry? You’d never think that by the way he slammed into her to finish off; but the beginnings were very slow and seductive, drawing out their enjoyment and arousing her perfectly. 

They must have tried every position possible without the aid of ropes and pulleys. Against the console, on the pilot seat, leaning on the coral, hanging onto the bedpost, her riding him hard; and after their shower interlude, the oral stuff had begun. Yes, she could say they were well fucked. 

 

The Trouble, as she would later dub it, occurred when they had all returned to the TARDIS after the Daleks were defeated, and returned the Earth back to its rightful position. Donna hadn’t stood by the console very much; there hadn’t really been room for her and she could keep an eye on things by stepping back. Rose, she had noted, had ensconced herself between the Doctor and the Duplicate; giving them both flirty looks. The cow!

It had been bad enough when she kept on at the Doctor, hanging all over him like a wet tree branch; but to then start on the Duplicate…! Donna saw red and stormed over as Rose threw herself onto the Duplicate, taking a possessive hold of his lapels. 

Before she had taken two steps, Rose whispered to him, “How about we find out how much like the Doctor you are underneath this suit?”

“Pardon?!” the Duplicate had blustered. Admittedly he had enjoyed the attention but this was beginning to get serious. “I’m afraid I can’t…”

“Of course you can,” Rose had insisted, and then did that tongue poking thing that usually worked on all the blokes. “You wouldn’t want to deny me. Perhaps the Doctor will let you stay with Mum in Pete’s World when we drop her off.”

He frowned. “Why would I want to do that? My home is here, in the TARDIS.”

“But you’re not real, are you; and you can’t stick around while the Doctor and me pick up from where we left off,” she argued.

Indignation tore through him. “I AM real, and where exactly do you think you’ll pick up from? Being dropped through the Void to go with your mum or being waved goodbye for ever on some Norwegian beach, I suppose.”

“What are you on about?” Anger bristled through Rose. “Me and the Doctor were together.”

“He may have told Martha that lie, but surely you didn’t believe that!” the Duplicate scoffed. “You travelled together, you entertained him, and flattered his vanity; but that’s as far as it was ever going to go.”

“You don’t understand!” Rose cried in self-defence.

“Oh yeah? I think I do, sweetheart. And don’t use those over-mascaraed eyelashes on me to get your own way, cos it won’t wash,” he chastised her with a sneer. Leaning in towards her, he gleefully added, “He’s moved on and don’t need you anymore. Take my advice: get your roots touched up instead of wasting your time jumping through alternative universes. It’d be much safer for all of us.”

Rose lunged forward with a yell of, “Bastard! You’re nothing but Donna’s bastard!” Her hands clamped around his throat, and she began to squeeze tight, blocking his airway.

“Oh no you don’t!” Donna shouted, and grabbed Rose by the scruff of the neck. “Get your grubby mitts off him!” Twirling Rose around to face her, Donna pulled back her fist, and punched Rose hard in the face. “Nobody does that to him,” she spat out through gritted teeth. 

Rose had reeled backwards, falling on top of her mother. “Leave my daughter alone!” Jackie inevitably cried.

“I’m surprised you haven’t disowned her with the way she carries on, like some nymphomaniac tart,” Donna retorted.

It was at this point that Jack stepped in between them all, holding back Rose and Jackie while the Doctor grabbed hold of Donna. The Duplicate stood nursing his aching throat and Martha raced to examine him. Mickey was merely stunned by the show that had just taken place. He’d never seen anyone go for Rose like that before. Poor Sarah Jane had missed it all by going to make them all tea. 

“Ladies, please,” Jack begged. “If you are going to fight the least you could do is disrobe in a mud bath beforehand and give us all a treat.”

“In your dreams,” Donna muttered as her anger deflated.

“Who gave you the right to hit me? You jealous fat…,” Rose began to retaliate.

“ROSE!” the Doctor reprimanded her, creasing his nose up in disgust. “That is enough.”

“But she…,” Rose tried again.

“I know! I was here for that one” the Doctor pointed out. “We all need to calm down.” He flashed a meaningful glance towards Donna. “Other things can wait until later, but first… Rose, Jackie, I shall drop you off before the others.”

“What?!” Rose cried out as Jackie gripped her arm. “You can’t do that.”

Donna had deliberately turned her back to Rose in order to face the Doctor, and was shooting him fiery looks as he spoke, knowing he would love it.

He hastily adjusted his collar. “I can, I must and I will. You don’t belong in this universe anymore. People were declared dead and you were on that list, so you no longer technically exist.” 

A very morose Rose walked out of the TARDIS a few minutes later, after trying to talk him round, followed by tears and begging; but he wasn’t relenting. Soon they were back in the real universe.

 

Leaving him to say his final goodbyes to Jack, Martha and Mickey, Donna led the Duplicate into the med-bay to find the epidermal healing tool that would remove the large finger print bruises around his neck.

“She certainly was determined to injure you,” Donna remarked as she waved the instrument over his skin.

“Silly bitch thinking I’d fall for her charms,” he murmured, “although perhaps it had been a bit unwise to knock her back like that.”

“Probably,” she agreed. Wrapping her long arms around his neck, she purred, “What a shame she’ll miss out on helping you become more human. I suppose that leaves it all up to me.”

“A real shame,” he purred back, placing his arms around her waist to draw her nearer. “Everything is yours now, to do with as you please.” 

“I hope you saved up some of that anger,” came a request from the doorway. The Doctor stood there looking expectant. 

They both turned to grin at him. 

“I think that will be a yes,” she confirmed. “Thanks to your ex-companion I have plenty stored up for you to enjoy; if you don’t mind a tag on…” She nodded her head towards the Duplicate. 

A broad smile spread across the Doctor’s face. “That will be fine. So… shall we go and start exploring this new development?” he asked expectantly.

“You know where the handcuffs are,” she whispered to the Duplicate in invitation and then held out her hand towards the Doctor. “Why not?” she cheekily replied. “I am so angry I could almost do two blokes at the same time.”

“Promises promises.” He happily led her away, knowing this was about to be lots of fun.


End file.
